How a charity uses gifts given by abusers to create puppet shows highlighting domestic violence

15 April 2021

Violent relationships are not only characterised by punches or degradation. After an episode of violence, many abusers shower their victims with apologies or gifts — only for the cycle to later begin again.

“Gifts given out of guilt are the way in which abusers convince their partners not to leave toxic relationships,” says Anais, a Romanian association advocating for better policies to protect the rights of women, young people, and children.

Now, the group has joined forces with Romanian artists to show the real stories behind such presents. In eight short plays based on real events, stuffed toys given to victims by their abusers become witnesses to, and narrators of, the acts of physical or verbal aggression which they were later used to cover up. Using contemporary dance, puppetry, and animation, the short videos expose the dark dynamics of domestic abuse.

The Covid-19 pandemic has caused cases of domestic violence to surge both in Romania and globally, with some organisations reporting that they received 18 per cent more calls from domestic violence victims in 2020 than in the previous year. Just under 8,000 cases of domestic violence were recorded in Romania in 2019, compared to more than 4,800 in the first seven months of 2020. In 96 per cent of cases, the perpetrators were men.

For Anais, this project has been a way to “raise an alarm” on the dynamics within toxic relationships. “The more we talk about [domestic violence], openly and honestly, the more the phenomenon will decrease,” says actor Isabela Neamțu, who did the voiceover for one of the stories. “It’s important for victims to know that they are not alone, that they can be helped, and that they should not, at any cost, give up on their freedom and dignity.”

The Teddy Bear

One teddy bear has seen three acts of violence in a family of three: Maria, Liviu, and their daughter, Lia. When Maria begs her husband, Liviu, for forgiveness after not mopping the floor to his exact standards, he tells her that he’ll use her body to clean it. When Liviu explodes into fury once more, Maria and Lia spend the whole night in the bathroom, in the teddy bear’s embrace. On the third night of violence, the little girl placed herself between her parents, “like a shield” for her mother. The resulting broken arm finally convinces Maria to run away. The teddy bear is left behind: a “gift given out of guilt”.

The Bumblebee

Livia is thrown out of the house in the middle of the night, barefoot, with her daughter and the stuffed bumblebee that keeps the baby warm. As the child begins to cry, Livia knocks on the door once again. “You can come in,” her partner tells her, “but this devil of a child cannot.” He throws a handful of clothes at them. “Don’t come back,” he says. Luckily, Livia does not, the bee narrates. Calling her parents from a passerby’s phone, she returns to her family home. Marius, her former partner, still comes to visit from time to time, to beg Livia to come back. He always brings a new present with him. But Livia and her family don’t open the door any more.

Check out the project and donate to Anais here.